New App, New Post and a New Topic

Fuck that BlogPress app with so much intensity. Just a ridiculous amount of "damn you" to said iPhone square. Why? Because it doesn't let me make paragraphs. Just one long rambling without so much as a space to separate when I start a new moment of clarity (or some profound-ish analogy like that). So let's see if this one will work.

Bam. I just started a new paragraph on here. Did it work? Well, we sure as hell won't know until I post this. Which is making me feel sort of challenged, picking a fight with a program and rambling about it to myself until I hit "publish". Whatever, fight the machine.

However, this post isn't about my hate for illiteracy. No, it's more about just an update on my life and what's coming. I've had a LOT on my mind lately, and a lot happening around me, so I wanted to sort of just put it out there. Give these thoughts some form and perspective, I say. So change into your most comfortable pair of underwear (other forms of clothing are optional) and prepare for the most unsexual and flaccid experience of your life. Unless you play WoW...in which case your whole life is like that. And you have my pity.

First off, I've only got a few more weeks left before I head off. I don't think I've even said where I'm going or what I'm doing in a previous post. So I'll tell you that I've joined the Air Force, and I've been accepted into their SpecOps division. A division that mostly consists of combat soldiers, since the rest of the Air Force is mostly technical jobs. While I won't specify which SpecOps job I have, I will say that most people (if not all) consider it to be very dangerous. And yes, there's some truth to that. However, it's relatively safe, due to the training I'll receive. I'll be prepared for it in every way. I won't be sent through just Basic Training and then tossed into this combat job. I'm preparing to be sent away for about 10 straight months of training...intense training that will ensure me to perform the tasks of this job safely and to the utmost of my abilities. Am I nervous? No. Am I scared? No, not of the job...

So what am I scared of? Being away from my family. My wife and baby. My world. I'm about to go through one of the toughest physical, mental and emotional experiences of my life...and all I can think of is wanting my family to be as comfortable as possible while I'm gone. I don't want my wife to feel lonely, and I don't want my son to be away from me for so long and forget me. The only thing in this world that scares me is being a bad husband or a bad father. Or worse, both... But none of us will know what to expect or how this will affect us until it happens. So I'm doing my best not to stress about it.

Secondly, I've been getting these bad feelings lately. Well, maybe a little worse than bad. Terrible. Or horrible....no, actually mortifying. There, that's it. Mortifying feelings that have been creeping up on my at random. Feelings that literally stop me in my tracks, make my heart stop for a brief second and take the air out of my lungs. Worse than the actual feeling itself is not knowing why they're happening. It would be different if immediately afterwords someone called me and told me that the world was going to end, my apartment was on fire or that John Mayer wasn't going to make songs ever again. Which is no laughing matter.

...these feelings are making it hard not to worry about the future. Usually, when I get a bad feeling... Actually ALWAYS. Always, when I get a bad feeling something bad happens. So it worries me that I'm getting the worst feelings of my life and yet nothing follows them. I start asking myself things like, "what if something happens while I'm in training?". Families of a soldier worry about them dying in battle. But that same soldier also worries about something happening to their family as well while they're gone. Yes, something could happen to me while I'm on tour, but that doesn't mean I'm the only one in danger. Just yesterday, a girl I knew was in a head-on collision with a drunk driver. She was with three other people. The two men in the front seat were killed instantly, while the person next to her and herself are were sent to ICU at the hospital. No one saw that coming. Neither one of them woke up and thought, "hey we might die today". I mean, that thought is sort of expected in a war zone. But not at home. That's probably the last thing on anyones mind.

Sorry, it's been a while since I started a new paragraph. Back to what I was saying.
I worry about things like that. I know my wife is worried about me being in the military, but I can be worried, too. I don't know what I'd do without her. Or my son. I couldn't imagine what it would feel like if she was taken from me.

*sigh* That's enough about the shitty, depressing feelings I keep getting.
Back to happy me. OH!

Kony2012. I know a lot of you have a problem with the campaign, the company and the fact that the man had a mental breakdown and ran around naked outside. And that's fine, it's your choice. But I support it. I support helping out those children and their families. And as a soldier, if I have to make sacrifices to help them in any way that I can, I will. I'll be glad to be sent over there to assist in training the right people to remove Kony, along with any future LRA leaders, from power and help set that whole continent right. I don't believe that we need to send our military in there to fight directly, and I don't believe that'll happen anyway. Our political leaders, no matter what party they're from, will send our troops over there to go into combat against children. I believe in helping the right people over there to get rid of the LRA leaders without fighting the children as well. I fully think we can train them to go in, get rid of the leaders, and get out without a huge battle. But that's just me. What I think and what will happen are completely different.

But I still support the idea behind the campaign, which is helping those children. So yes, I'll be out there putting up posters, handing out flyers and documenting Cover the Night. Because there are people out there that need help, and I won't refuse to help if I know I can.
And that's another thing about this Kony2012 project. A lot of people mock the fact that all of a sudden everyone wants to help. Making comments like "you watched a 30 minute video and now you're a humanitarian?". That's not what everyone is setting out to be. I think the reason this campaign is more successful than its predecessors is because it makes it possible for everyone to be more "hands-on involved". We have the chance to participate in the campaign from our own towns. They don't want us to just donate money. They want us to actually DO something, even if it's just putting up posters or wearing a bracelet. It's still SOMETHING.

Uugghh. My thumbs hurt. I think I'll just finish this up with one last small update. I've started writing songs again. It's been a little over a year since the last time I jotted down a lyric. I haven't started writing any music yet, just the words. But I'm thinking all the music will be is a piano, MAYBE a guitar softly in the background and a violin for sure. But I want to start writing all my songs from now on like this one; no chorus. Sort of like Sometime Around Midnight or Innocence. I just like how interesting the songs are when they don't repeat anything. We'll see how it goes.

Friends

Let me start by saying that I don't like the way this BlogPress app writes. If I hit enter to make a new paragraph, it doesn't register. So it looks like a rambling, one-paragraph story. See? I just hit enter. You can't even tell. Second, I would like to state that I have no good friends. I mean, I've got SOME friends (literally, a few) but I don't have any close friends. And I'm okay with that. Really! Don't give me that look. Besides, that's what the Internet is for. To make us feel like we have friends, right?? ...hello? ANYways, still a continuous paragraph. Back to the story. I have a handful (my friends are apparently pocket-sized) of friends that I hang out with maybe once every couple of months. So they're more like, "used-to-be-super-close-friends-but-now-we're-mostly-acquaintances" kind of friends. And again, that's totally cool with me. I've got my son, and though he can't talk yet, we're developing a pretty close relationship. And I would much rather have those "occasional" friends than those friends that are only your friend when it's convenient to them or when you happen to reach out to them. I've got quite a few of those. I have one that I used to talk to all the time, but it was mostly only when her and her man were going through tough times. I was a flotation device, with "S.S. Tool" written on me. Then we stopped talking completely, because I got sick of being called every few days to cheer her up about her most recent "this one is the end for sure" breakup. About a week ago, though, I got a call from her out of the blue. I thought maybe she was calling to talk since it had been a while (raising a kid and working doesn't leave me much time to call and chat) and I had some free time. So I answered. And lo, it was again about her "ex" boyfriend. Glad I could help you out. And fuck you, enter button. But I think the kind of "friend" I dislike more than that is the one that pretends that you're on their mind. The one that you call, but they don't have time to talk or they have nothing to say. So the conversation turns into "...well you seem busy, so I'll let you go" when really you mean, "I'm gonna go talk to a lint ball, because it'll be way more stimulating that listening to myself try to get a conversation out of you". I hate that. They never call you, ever. But when you call, they always say the same damn thing: "I was just thinking of you today, and I was like 'I should call that person!'" Umm, yeah? Fuck that. My point is, be sure you know who's actually your friend. I thought I had a lot of friends, until I needed their support during the whole "I'm going to be a 20 year old dad" stage of my life. Then they just conveniently were too busy to hang out. Hmm. If you've got close friends that are there for you as much as you're there for them, don't lose that. Don't let them go. If you don't have that, oh well! Don't be sad about it. I'm much happier with having no close friends at all, than with having those friends I mentioned up there. And again, I've got my son. Sure, one day he'll have a best friend and I won't hold that position anymore, but for now I'm never going to take for granted that huge smile he gives me when I'm with him, and the warm feeling I get from him. That's true friendship. - Posted using BlogPress from a really intelligent rectangle.

What is love?

I'll give you a minute to finish singing the tune that's now in your head.......................................................................... Finished? Probably not, but whatever. At least stop doing the head bob so you can read this properly. ...thank you. Now, moving along. It's V-Day. That "oh, so magical day of celebrating true love, sending flowers, and wining and dining the fuck out of someone special". I mean, come on...it doesn't get any more romantic than this one day that seems as though it comes every year. Right?? If you said yes, then CONGRATULATIONS! You're probably an idiot. Sorry. No balloons, confetti or attractive woman giving you a prize. If you're someone who's not only romantic on Valentine's day, but also every day, then hold your hand up because I just sent a high five your direction. But if you're one of those people who waits until this one day to send someone flowers, ask someone out or tell someone how much they mean to you...sit in a corner an get some ice. Because I just punched your direction. And I punch hard, dickweed. Girls: if you're pissed that you're alone today or that a guy/girl didn't ask you out...just remember. It's a two way street, expecting everything and giving nothing is unfair. Guys: if you waited until today to send flowers or be romantic towards your current partner...you're an idiot. And you need to step it the hell up. Love isn't about a holiday, chocolates, flowers or candlelight dinners. It's deeper than that. It isn't enough to say "I love you" either. Love isn't an emotion. It's a verb. An action. A mixture of all the emotions you feel towards someone. But not an emotion in itself. Anyone can say "I love you". I can say it to my hairdryer (yes, I own one. Don't judge) but that doesn't mean I love it. How do you know you love someone? By what you do around them or for them. You treat them like they're the center of your world. You constantly think about them. You hold the door for them, you hold their hand for no reason, etc. You base your life off of them. They're the reason for your existence, and loving someone means to prove to yourself and them exactly that. "love" is just a word until you give it life. Showing all of your emotions that someone makes you feel; happiness, gratitude, compassion, hope, sadness, bliss, innocence, determination...that's what love is. Love is an action. Analogy: your emotions are the gifts that you want to give, and love is the box you put them in. The action of giving that gift. That's love. So please, don't wait until this one day to give that gift. Give it everyday. SHOW them that you love them, otherwise it's just empty words. The most romantic days are always the ones you don't plan. And the best kind of love is the kind you can see. <3 - Posted using BlogPress from a really intelligent rectangle.

Controversial

"There is no God" "Gay marriage is a sin" Common ground for these topics? Religion. One of the biggest topics of controversy is religion. Religious arguments are some of the most opinionated, stubborn and close-minded topics of discussion. And I say fuck that. Pardon my single-syllable harshness, but seriously. These days, it's getting ri-donkey-dick-ulous. There. More syllables to fire up your inner rebel. Soak it in. But really. I'm sick of the fact that everyone is so rude when it comes to other peoples beliefs. I actually had a chat about this with a friend today, and I just HAD to share my thoughts. After all, this is MY blog. And I'm in one of those moods. The mood to slam the keys on my computer. But I'm not using it this time. So my anger is transferred to my iPhone keypad. And lemme tell you, my thumbs are going to look good in their swimwear this summer... Anyways, back on topic. Look around. Listen. Ask. Religion is so over-emphasized. And why? Because everyone thinks they're right. Well you're not. Not at all. You're far from it. You're a prepubescent, moist-muffined, scurvy callous on the scrotum of society. Your religion isn't the only religion in the world. Fact. So who's to say your religion is right? Intriguing thought. Boom. Am I saying your religion is wrong? No. I'm saying that you need to accept that other religions exist, and that it's rude and unfair to think yours is the shit, and all the other religions must succumb to your ways. No. That's why there's such segregation and racism in this world. Because of intolerance and closed minds. I personally don't really believe in any religious deity or faith system. But I don't think anyone else's spiritual (or non) belief is wrong. It's not. It can't be wrong. Why? Because its THEIR PERSONAL BELIEF. You know, freedom of self and all that shit. Some people believe in God, some in Allah, some in Buddha and some might even believe in Spock. Who are we to say either one of those is right, and everyone else can suck it? We're not anybody. It's called "faith" for a reason. Because it's OURS to have. I don't need your permission to think that gay marriage should be legal. And if you want to keep it from happening, then make divorce illegal. Since divorce "destroys the sanctity of marriage" just like gay marriage APPARENTLY will do. Which is dumb. A person is a person. Capable of love just as much as anyone else. Who cares who they love? Let them love who they want. You can't take away someone's personal beliefs and opinions, because it's NOT YOURS. You don't think gay marriage is ok? Fine. That's your right. You're allowed to believe that. But don't go around thinking it's your right to control how everyone else should live their religious lives and personal opinions. The same goes for the other side. Don't preach about "being more understanding and accepting us for who we are" then saying that all Christians, Catholics and whoever the fuck else are a bunch of righteous assholes. Because they aren't. That's an assumption, just like they're doing. So you're no better. My point is, believe what you want to believe. Have faith in whatever you want. Hell, try out every religion or belief system if you want, but DON'T try to force it upon others or think that you are superior to the others in any way at all. In the end, we all die. No one has SOLID evidence of what happens next. That's why it's called FAITH. Me? I don't know what will happen. And I don't care. Because when it happens, it happens. There's no stopping it. There could be an afterlife, or I could cease to exist completely. But for now, I'm living. And I will live like it's the only chance I have, because it very well could be. But I refuse to cut down your beliefs and opinions. I refuse to say you're wrong. And I REFUSE to think I'm better than you. I'm opening my eyes, because that's what I believe in. <3 - Posted using BlogPress from a really intelligent rectangle.

Memories That Never Happened

What the word "dream" means is entirely up to you. Some people will say it's an alternate reality. Some will say it's the true reality. Others might look at dreams as a way to see what's going to happen in their lives.

Ask a scientist what a dream is. They'll most likely tell you this definition: "A series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep."

Why? Because that's the "correct" definition of a dream. While most of that is true, I believe there's something missing. My definition is quite simple. "A memory that never happened". Simple, right? Well, some may not see it as I do. And that's fine, it's their right and choice not to.

But let me enlighten you as to how I personally view dreams and the effects they can cause.

I believe the simple definition that dreams are just thoughts. Not premonitions or an alternate reality. Very simplisticly real thoughts. Thoughts that may be constantly on your mind, or even in the back of it that your subconcious holds onto. The ones that you may not have time to think about during the day with all of your activities taking place around you. Work, school, hobbies or even a crisis. They're light when you think about them at first, because you don't have the time, or maybe even mental energy, to go deeper into them. So we look at it as a "condensed thought". Simply a generalized view of what's ailing you or perhaps what's making you feel like a kid in a candy store again. Example? "What if he/she still loves me?" That's a very common thought, and often very generalized due to the lack of time/energy we as thriving humans have to put forth into it. You don't have time to really dwell on that...to really sink in.

At night though...that's where the circumstances change. It becomes heavier. At night, you see it in a more clear way because your mind has time to pick at it. To analyze it. Most likely because you've got time to yourself now. Perhaps you think about it right before you fall asleep. Maybe you have a bed to yourself, or the person who shares it with you has already drifted off to sleep...leaving you there to wade into your own pool of scenarios and emotions.

And that's where the dream begins to kindle. Your body slows down but your mind is still racing. So now, those thoughts that were in your subconcious all day? They're free to swim amongst the stars. You see what you think. You feel it. Physically and emotionally. Sometimes, my emotions are stronger in my dreams. A thought that may have saddened me during the day could make me cry in my dreams. Why? Because I'm experiencing it. It's not just a thought anymore. It becomes so real in our minds that we actually convince ourselves that it is. We live in it, if only for the night. I believe dreams are more powerful than any thought we could ever concieve. Because once it becomes a dream, it becomes almost completely real. We can feel it as if we were truly there. As if it might as well have happened.

All it takes is one dream. One dream...to stir up our deepest emotions and leave us haunted by a memory that never happened.

Just...go for it.

Recently, I had a talk with a good friend of mine. This friend was asking for advice of the relationship variety. He told me that he really liked this girl, in a way that he's never felt. He spoke of how she likes him, too. Which made me question why he needed my advice if he already knows how they both feel about each other. Sounds like a pretty easy answer, right?

WRONG. You lose. Go put your face on a waffle iron. Wait, no, don't do that. You'll have horrible scars and people will throw syrup on you for the rest of your life. You'll smell good, but the wrong kind of people might want to lick you...

Anyways. The problem he faced which caused him to call me was this: it sounds too good to be true.
Now, I'm sure we've all been here. Our life takes a turn for the better, and it just seems like nothing can go wrong. You feel invincible and unbelievably happy. But after a while, that though creeps into the back of your head. That annoying little voice whose soul purpose is to take all of the hope and happy out of your life like a Dementor suckfest. It tells you those words that just make you question everything in your life, including what you ate for breakfast. Don't worry, Toaster Strudel's are never a bad idea. Stop crying.

After explaining how he felt, my friend asked me what I thought. And basically, when someone asks you for advice with something like that, they're asking you for a push in either direction. Or they've already made up their mind, and they're just looking for approval. Either way, DON'T ANSWER THEM. Don't give them your answer. Just tell them this: "Do whatever feels better to you".

Now put yourself in their position. Or maybe you already are. Whichever position you're in, think of it like this. You only live once, and you'll never know what it could've been like unless you go for it. Worse case scenario? It doesn't work out and you don't even stay friends. And yes, I know that sounds horrible. But hey. You're strong. You'll move on. You could experience that kind of feeling again. You never know. And even if you don't? Hey, you experienced it nonetheless. And you can hold your head high, saying, "yeah. That was me. I went for it. I know what it could've been, because I went for it". So do it. Go. Ask that guy/girl out. Take that new career turn. Order salad instead of that soup! You got this! YES.

...no really. Go for it.

An Outlet

You woke up late. You spilled your coffee. The car won't start. Traffic is making you bite your steering wheel, and it isn't even flavored. Maybe you got into a fight with your woman. Or man. Or family. Or that automatic door that decided to stay shut and make you look like even technology hates you right now. Any of these ever happen to you?

If they haven't, then you're clearly not human. Which means if you're reading this, you've learned yourself into the English way of reading, writing and most likely speaking. In which case, hello friendly nature critter and/or alien space dweller.

W've all had those days where we just want to throw a drink coaster at our cousin Ingrid, but doing such a thing wouldn't be advised as it's still regrettably illegal (one day, Ingrid...). So, we're forced to hold in our frustration and take it out on the stapler at work. And if you don't have a stapler, you're probably reading this from your jail cell for what you did to your cousin. Don't do that.


OR. We can find an outlet. And no, I don't mean taking out your troubles on the wall socket. Put the fork down, that's a horrible idea. What I mean is some kind of emotional or physical release. One that won't get you in trouble with the law or your meth-addicted-soap-eating neighbor. Though, he does have REALLY clean teeth. Way to go, Dove For Men.

Example time: When I get frustrated, upset, sad or even lonely...I sing. Or I exercise. Or I shoot things (at a shooting range, not in my living room). Sometimes, I just drive around to clear my head or gather my thoughts. All of which work for ME, but may not necessarily work for you. The problem that most of us have is that we take out our emotions (good or bad) on the first thing we feel deserves it. Or even sometimes on a thing that don't deserve it at all, but we tell ourselves that it does so we don't think ill of ourselves later. I swear, stop signs are so self-righteous...

Serious-face time: Don't lash out against something or someone just because you're emotionally overloaded and you THINK it/they deserve it. Maybe some guy cut you off, and you honk violently at him and flip him off. Just take a second to consider...maybe he's on his way to the hospital because a friend or loved one was in an accident. Or even when someone doesn't say thank you after you hold the door open for them, there could always be something you don't see. Perhaps they're lost in their own thoughts and emotions because they got fired, or maybe life took a bad turn and their house was robbed. The point is, someone else could be having a bad day and accidently made you upset, which caused you to lash out against them when perhaps they didn't deserve it. Hell, even if they did it purposely, don't take it out on them because it'll get you nowhere. Instead, just find your own outlet. Wish them well, and keep moving along. Then later, if you're still upset, do whatever it is you do to let it all go. Get it out of your system in a way that doesn't focus towards developing negative feelings towards another soul. Stand on a bridge and scream if it helps, but don't be negative towards someone else when they don't deserve it. You never know what they're going through, either. Open your eyes and see all of the colors, not just the ones you want to see.

Let Me Explain.

What do I mean by "to have colorful eyes"? Remember. This blog is all just my opinion. I don't pretend that what I say is fact. What I say could be completely different from how you feel. I don't want to change your mind. I don't want the world to think as I do. Everyone is different. And that's part of the point of this blog. The way I see it, the world isn't just black and white. I don't see things as "it's either this way or it's not". There's an infinite amount of ways something can play out. There's few facts, and a multitude of opinions. As it should be. No one should be forced to go against their beliefs and opinions, as no one should be doing the forcing. We're all different in every way. I try to look at something as unobjectively as possible. Something in my life takes place, and I can't always figure out why or what the purpose is. I just accept that it's happened, and hope that one day I may understand it. Just because I don't understand it at the time, doesn't mean I should run from it or push it away. I try to be as open as I can. I don't fight it. I see all of its colors. Not just the black and white. So when something happens to you, maybe that could help you deal with it or understand. But again, follow your own thoughts. Your own heart. Don't falter from the path you've set out to travel, but try to remember that everything and everyone will be different than you. If someone doesn't feel the same as you do about something, don't hold it against them. Try to remember that they have their own reasons,different from yours, as to why that's their opinion. They see it in a different color. So please, try to understand their hue, but keep your own colors bright. That's what it means to have colorful eyes. - Posted using BlogPress from a really intelligent rectangle.

The Start.

I've never had a blog before. For some reason, I've never been THAT comfortable telling my life story to complete strangers. But these days, we don't have reason to be strangers with others. So let me tell you a little about me and a little about this.

My name is David. I'm a husband, a father and a strong believer of love and effort. I haven't really ever tried to do something different or put much effort into anything. That is, until I met my wife and was given a baby boy of my own. Now, they're my something different. They're my something that I will put all my efforts into.
But the road to where I'm going isn't over. It has hardly even begun. 20 years isn't long enough to even consider being close to becoming what you hope to be. I've struggled in life. I've had my hardships, and I've had moments that left me in an unability to recognize myself. I've also been happier than I've ever imagined, and that's not something you want to only experience once.

I can't explain who I exactly am as a person, but I can let you get a good idea. Because even I don't know who exactly I am. And that's the fun of life; discovering who you are.

Will this blog be an amazing work of art? No. Am I doing this to become popular? No. I'm doing this mostly for me. And that's the point of a blog, a diary, a video log or even a hobby. Maybe that's what this is for almost everyone on here. A hobby. Something that's only theirs. Their escape. Their alternate reality. Whatever works for you, because it's for YOU. Do I hope that maybe this blog helps someone along the way? Yes. I hope to help anyone, anytime I can. Why? Because I want to Open My Eyes. I don't want to shut myself away from anything, or anyone. I want to live, as much as I can.

So what will these posts be like? Maybe my feelings. My stories. Something interesting that happened. Good advice. A shoulder to lean on. Words of wisdom. An epiphany. Hell, maybe I'll post a video here and there of something. I sing, so I'd like to maybe do something with that. This is my story, my journey. I want to share it with anyone that wants to keep up or come along. But no matter what I do on here, I don't wish to do it alone. I'd like to get to know everyone who reads this, be friends, talk. I have my funny moments, and my serious ones. So let's see where this goes.