Fuck that BlogPress app with so much intensity. Just a ridiculous amount of "damn you" to said iPhone square. Why? Because it doesn't let me make paragraphs. Just one long rambling without so much as a space to separate when I start a new moment of clarity (or some profound-ish analogy like that). So let's see if this one will work.
Bam. I just started a new paragraph on here. Did it work? Well, we sure as hell won't know until I post this. Which is making me feel sort of challenged, picking a fight with a program and rambling about it to myself until I hit "publish". Whatever, fight the machine.
However, this post isn't about my hate for illiteracy. No, it's more about just an update on my life and what's coming. I've had a LOT on my mind lately, and a lot happening around me, so I wanted to sort of just put it out there. Give these thoughts some form and perspective, I say. So change into your most comfortable pair of underwear (other forms of clothing are optional) and prepare for the most unsexual and flaccid experience of your life. Unless you play WoW...in which case your whole life is like that. And you have my pity.
First off, I've only got a few more weeks left before I head off. I don't think I've even said where I'm going or what I'm doing in a previous post. So I'll tell you that I've joined the Air Force, and I've been accepted into their SpecOps division. A division that mostly consists of combat soldiers, since the rest of the Air Force is mostly technical jobs. While I won't specify which SpecOps job I have, I will say that most people (if not all) consider it to be very dangerous. And yes, there's some truth to that. However, it's relatively safe, due to the training I'll receive. I'll be prepared for it in every way. I won't be sent through just Basic Training and then tossed into this combat job. I'm preparing to be sent away for about 10 straight months of training...intense training that will ensure me to perform the tasks of this job safely and to the utmost of my abilities. Am I nervous? No. Am I scared? No, not of the job...
So what am I scared of? Being away from my family. My wife and baby. My world. I'm about to go through one of the toughest physical, mental and emotional experiences of my life...and all I can think of is wanting my family to be as comfortable as possible while I'm gone. I don't want my wife to feel lonely, and I don't want my son to be away from me for so long and forget me. The only thing in this world that scares me is being a bad husband or a bad father. Or worse, both... But none of us will know what to expect or how this will affect us until it happens. So I'm doing my best not to stress about it.
Secondly, I've been getting these bad feelings lately. Well, maybe a little worse than bad. Terrible. Or horrible....no, actually mortifying. There, that's it. Mortifying feelings that have been creeping up on my at random. Feelings that literally stop me in my tracks, make my heart stop for a brief second and take the air out of my lungs. Worse than the actual feeling itself is not knowing why they're happening. It would be different if immediately afterwords someone called me and told me that the world was going to end, my apartment was on fire or that John Mayer wasn't going to make songs ever again. Which is no laughing matter.
...these feelings are making it hard not to worry about the future. Usually, when I get a bad feeling... Actually ALWAYS. Always, when I get a bad feeling something bad happens. So it worries me that I'm getting the worst feelings of my life and yet nothing follows them. I start asking myself things like, "what if something happens while I'm in training?". Families of a soldier worry about them dying in battle. But that same soldier also worries about something happening to their family as well while they're gone. Yes, something could happen to me while I'm on tour, but that doesn't mean I'm the only one in danger. Just yesterday, a girl I knew was in a head-on collision with a drunk driver. She was with three other people. The two men in the front seat were killed instantly, while the person next to her and herself are were sent to ICU at the hospital. No one saw that coming. Neither one of them woke up and thought, "hey we might die today". I mean, that thought is sort of expected in a war zone. But not at home. That's probably the last thing on anyones mind.
Sorry, it's been a while since I started a new paragraph. Back to what I was saying.
I worry about things like that. I know my wife is worried about me being in the military, but I can be worried, too. I don't know what I'd do without her. Or my son. I couldn't imagine what it would feel like if she was taken from me.
*sigh* That's enough about the shitty, depressing feelings I keep getting.
Back to happy me. OH!
Kony2012. I know a lot of you have a problem with the campaign, the company and the fact that the man had a mental breakdown and ran around naked outside. And that's fine, it's your choice. But I support it. I support helping out those children and their families. And as a soldier, if I have to make sacrifices to help them in any way that I can, I will. I'll be glad to be sent over there to assist in training the right people to remove Kony, along with any future LRA leaders, from power and help set that whole continent right. I don't believe that we need to send our military in there to fight directly, and I don't believe that'll happen anyway. Our political leaders, no matter what party they're from, will send our troops over there to go into combat against children. I believe in helping the right people over there to get rid of the LRA leaders without fighting the children as well. I fully think we can train them to go in, get rid of the leaders, and get out without a huge battle. But that's just me. What I think and what will happen are completely different.
But I still support the idea behind the campaign, which is helping those children. So yes, I'll be out there putting up posters, handing out flyers and documenting Cover the Night. Because there are people out there that need help, and I won't refuse to help if I know I can.
And that's another thing about this Kony2012 project. A lot of people mock the fact that all of a sudden everyone wants to help. Making comments like "you watched a 30 minute video and now you're a humanitarian?". That's not what everyone is setting out to be. I think the reason this campaign is more successful than its predecessors is because it makes it possible for everyone to be more "hands-on involved". We have the chance to participate in the campaign from our own towns. They don't want us to just donate money. They want us to actually DO something, even if it's just putting up posters or wearing a bracelet. It's still SOMETHING.
Uugghh. My thumbs hurt. I think I'll just finish this up with one last small update. I've started writing songs again. It's been a little over a year since the last time I jotted down a lyric. I haven't started writing any music yet, just the words. But I'm thinking all the music will be is a piano, MAYBE a guitar softly in the background and a violin for sure. But I want to start writing all my songs from now on like this one; no chorus. Sort of like Sometime Around Midnight or Innocence. I just like how interesting the songs are when they don't repeat anything. We'll see how it goes.
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